Because, you’re right: a guy can “wait you out” for 7 arbitrary dates, fuck you, and then bail.But since most men do not want the hassle or the emotion of calling you a girlfriend and THEN bailing, by refusing sex without commitment, you weed those guys out.You think you have to discover this BEFORE you have a commitment…but isn’t the whole point of dating to continue to discover things to assess whether you can spend your life with a person? I’m saying that you can engage in lots of serious foreplay before having sex, give an exclusive relationship a shot, and if it doesn’t work for ANY reason, you have the right to break up, one months, two months, three months down the line.In that regard, sex is no different than learning that he’s got anger issues or is a bad communicator.“Best thing is to remove expectations so you will never get hurt.” As a dating coach, I spend a lot of time managing women’s expectations and trying to ensure they’re realistic.
(Unless, of course, he’s a psycho who would lie to your face to get laid – and I’m suggesting most normal men would rather find another woman than to do that.) “There is a shaming of women for wanting to have sex.” From whom? As I said in my original post, “I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment.” Hell, I’ve had a lot of sex without commitment. Waiting for some arbitrary time period has never been the point.Which is fine – as long as the woman is up for the insecurity of not knowing where your relationship is headed. “If our culture starts once again demanding and creating chaste women, you’re going to get chaste women through and through.” Chaste means abstaining from extramarital or all intercourse.I’m saying that women should wait until he’s a boyfriend, even if that means date 3.Therefore, it’s wise to take your love life seriously at a younger age, and make smart compromises when you have the most attention from the largest pool of high quality men. “Sex doesn’t keep any man who doesn’t want to be kept. If he isn’t marriage-minded, it makes little difference.” Mostly correct.If you don’t want to get married, if you don’t want to have kids, and if you would rather be alone than make any compromises, Ms. Alas, it wildly misinterprets what I was suggesting.