Empathy is about making someone who is made to feel abnormal by our culture, family and friends to feel perfectly normal.We have to ask ourselves: What is it like to be her? Telling the 40-plus, single woman what she's doing wrong and expecting her to be with someone she doesn't want to be with, telling her that the solution to her problem is going to a bar or a spinning class to meet her potential partner or telling her that no man wants a woman so set in her ways doesn't do a damn thing to make that woman happier. _____________________________________________________ I hope you will join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.Whatever you may think about this woman, it's rarely something positive and liberating, but it's not exactly negative either -- it's just sort of lonely.This woman I speak of and that you are imagining in your mind is most likely very hardworking, has a great job and good friends.She's generally satisfied and settled in many areas of her life, but she doesn't actively date, she's never been married or, if she was previously married, it was for a short time and many years ago.She may be perfectly content with her life, happy to be free of the structures of marriage and a long-term relationship, or she may be happy with the other parts of her life but longs for companionship.We don't need to victimize these women, not at all. Some of them are happy and satisfied, others would like to be in a long-term relationship, still others are desperate and unhealthy in their approach to relationships. Oh yeah, it's just like women in their 20's and 30's and just like MEN in their 20's and 30's.And in this column, I'm not trying to destroy the happiness of those who are single and 40 and perfectly content. The point is, women who are 40 and over come in many stripes and types. But somehow, we're only giving single women over 40 one identity: they're well past their sell-by-date, they're lonely and maybe even sad.
We assume she is picky, stubborn, set in her ways and frigid.
; buy now at Powell’s This 1975 eyewitness account by Norman Mailer of the so-called “Rumble in the Jungle,” in which heavyweight champion George Foreman defended his title from challenger Muhammad Ali, is packed with more drama than anything Hollywood has given us. And if you’re in the market for a great guy read right now, check out this wonderfully heartfelt essay from David Halberstam, titled “How to Find Your True Purpose in Life.” ; buy now at Target Speaking of fights….
This novel by Chuck Palahniuk is a quick read, but it’ll have you seriously rethinking all the priorities in your life.
This column isn't about removing personal responsibility or placating our women friends by hiding our honest advice.
Instead, I want to consider how we can deepen the way in which we support our friends, or, in some cases, how we can stay out of their way. Without it, we get defensive when dealing with our problems.