Sometimes we even throw the phone or whatever we have in our hand at the moment the alcoholic acts so self-centered. If you can understand why your alcoholic spouse, child, parent, friend or co-worker is so selfish, will it make a hill of beans of a difference?Understanding why an alcoholic lies, why they stand us up and why a drink is more important than the family plans, may be impossible. Do you think for a moment that by understanding why they treat the dog better than they treat you that this will make them quit drinking?It’s hard to get at our soft centers, but not impossible. We’re kind of like big, protective brothers in that regard.Unfortunately, because we are so loyal, we sometimes make the mistake of staying loyal to a person or situation (or job) that doesn’t deserve our fantastic loyalty.If you’ve arrived here looking for the answer to the hard question, “Should I end my relationship?” you may get some information you need, but I’m not sure it will make your hard, important decision that much easier.Your only option is to accept the fact that this is an attribute of the personality of alcoholism.
Just like anyone (adult child, or not), if someone has issues that are unresolved, the relationship will be used, in some fashion, to process the issues.We Have a Soft Core, But a Steel Wrapper We are extremely sensitive people and we are very sensitive to other people–all people, including strangers. The problem is, we often forget to honor our own feelings because we make the mistake of prioritizing the feelings of others first way too often.Yet, because we were raised in chaotic environments in which we had to be ready at any moment for a family battle, our sensitivity is hidden in a hard-to-get-at steel wrapper. Once we know someone, we always have their best interest in mind, and will defend them against all harm to the full extent of our abilities.It’s important from birth to around age 3 that the family environment maintains itself as loving and consistent–that is, free of chaos.Parents who aren’t self-knowing, grounded, and ready to raise a child have trouble delivering consistent, loving and patient nurturing to their child.