She was driving irresponsibly and texting, and she was horrified by what she’d done.I have tried not hating her, and I’ve tried telling myself that there’s always a risk that a cat allowed outdoors will be hit by a car.No matter what I asked for, no matter how small, I never got it.
Worse still is the type of cruelty that denies its own existence, even when you’ve got the evidence in your text message history.
On his ex-wife's birthday, Billy Flynn woke up early to buy flowers, cards, and gifts for his boys to give their mom.
He then helped his two kids make her breakfast and surprise her with the treats.
I’m afraid I don’t have a conflict-free method for saying “no” to your own family, but I can tell you that your decision to stop spending time with them is a good one that will pay enormous dividends when it comes to your mental health and general well-being. But I’m not going to be there/chip in for the group gift. I’m hanging up now—I’ve got to get back to work/make dinner/finish sketching this rare bird I’ve just discovered.” It will feel counter to every impulse you have, but if your family gets upset when you start setting limits with them (and they surely will; the reason they panic every time you pull away is not because they love your company but because they need you around to serve as a scapegoat and a punching bag), that is not your problem to fix. They can fume and argue and lay on the guilt trip, and you can cheerfully deny them access to your decision-making process.
You can’t stop them from getting upset, but you can deny them your participation in whatever fight or guilt trip they want to have. You may find a therapist helpful during this period of detachment, especially if you have a hard time remembering your goals and boundaries when you talk to your family.