I tell you all of this because: I think of myself as an intelligent and level-headed person, but I still got swept away. If you can understand that you can forgive him for it. You can’t talk someone out of being in love with Darth Vader, and sadly, the worse it gets the more your friend might try to talk himself into trying to make it work because if there is a happy ending all the ways he’s had to abase himself to stay in the relationship will have been “worth it.” You tried that, it didn’t work. If this guy is really a bad person or even just a bad fit for your friend, then sadly even the best-case scenario involves pain for your friend.
If you can forgive him, when the topic of Bad Partner comes up, you can silent remind yourself “He’s getting something out of this that I can’t see.” That might be what you have to keep repeating to yourself as they careen toward the altar. At some point the guy might do something awful enough that it breaks the spell.
They’ve only been together for three months, but they just moved in together and are already planning a wedding.
He has a lot of expectations for how my friend should be that makes me think he doesn’t really “see” my friend clearly and accept who he is.
If they are living together this can lead to a great deal of upheaval or financial hardship, and you can help your friend by being a place of safety and non-judgment while he goes through Love Rehab. The worst-case scenario is that the guy is an abuser and that he will use your dislike of him to help isolate your friend socially.
This guy has somehow tapped into your friend’s idea of what love should feel like.
I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does.
My friend has brought up that the guy probably has Asperger’s syndrome, which, okay, that explains some of the social awkwardness, but I hate how my lovely, kind, and outgoing friend is always explaining and apologizing for this bozo’s outbursts.
So when someone says “You’re the only person who really understands me” to you on the second date, you panic.
So do I….except for when I was completely high on being intertwined with who I thought was the First Person To Really Get Me, Too, and then had to spend a year of my life in Love’s Methadone Clinic.