What a therapist does is ask you leading questions and radiate non-judgement until you’ve talked your way through all your own defenses and circular bullshit and tried to turn things into entertaining anecdotes and try to convince yourself that “it’s not that bad” until you run out of excuses and you have to say the truth: What you want. That seems crazy counter-intuitive and I can feel those words turning to ashes in your mouth, but this is why I suggest them: Controlling people make their victims second-guess everything.When you’re involved with a Darth Vader from beginning to end it’s a story of “I can’t believe this is really happening! In which case, you don’t have to go to their wedding.We have already talked about my reservations concerning his partner’s character and their relationship. For example, he has been moving the relationship along extremely quickly.He brought up marriage on the first date, and immediately started showering my friend with expensive presents.I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does.My friend has brought up that the guy probably has Asperger’s syndrome, which, okay, that explains some of the social awkwardness, but I hate how my lovely, kind, and outgoing friend is always explaining and apologizing for this bozo’s outbursts.”) That gives the partner ammunition to say “Jorge has never liked me, why would you keep hanging out with someone who is so hostile to the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with?
They could not understand what I saw in him, and I could not really explain to them what I saw in him, but the answer was embarrassingly specific: Really Good Sex Enough Drama To Fascinate.So do most people, except that The Twilight Saga books have sold over 116 million copies worldwide and a non-zero percentage of those readers think that Love Means Breaking Into Your House and Watching You While You Sleep.This guy has somehow tapped into your friend’s idea of what love should feel like.I tell you all of this because: I think of myself as an intelligent and level-headed person, but I still got swept away. If you can understand that you can forgive him for it. You can’t talk someone out of being in love with Darth Vader, and sadly, the worse it gets the more your friend might try to talk himself into trying to make it work because if there is a happy ending all the ways he’s had to abase himself to stay in the relationship will have been “worth it.” You tried that, it didn’t work. If this guy is really a bad person or even just a bad fit for your friend, then sadly even the best-case scenario involves pain for your friend.If you can forgive him, when the topic of Bad Partner comes up, you can silent remind yourself “He’s getting something out of this that I can’t see.” That might be what you have to keep repeating to yourself as they careen toward the altar. At some point the guy might do something awful enough that it breaks the spell.